I was talking with one of my students last night about how she had improved so much with her music basics over the past year (note reading, rhythm and fingering). I pointed out how learning those skills used to make her extremely uncomfortable and now she was comfortable with giving these a go on her own using a few practice and thinking tools from her imaginary toolbox. I said that it was now time we moved to a new level of uncomfortableness with her playing- putting character, feeling- a part of her self- into her playing.
She observed that the thought of this made her feel very uncomfortable. I said that this area right between comfortable and uncomfortable is where she needed to be in music- and in life- in order to improve and make change happen. I then went through a few different ways she could practice feeling a little more comfortable in this uncharted territory.
What I realised later was that I was asking her to Reach. To move from Knowing (that she had to put feeling into her music) to Changing (actually putting feeling into her Music). Now, if I am asking my beautiful and courageous students to put themselves in a vulnerable position and take risks then I need to as well. What kind of a teacher would I be if I expected my students to take risks themselves but couldn’t- or wouldn’t- do it myself?
My intention with the blogs that I write, and anything I do in this world actually, can be boiled down to working out how I can change things for the better and then rolling up my sleeves and having a go at making that change happen.
I have only recently been able to have the energy to do this as I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 11 years from the ages of 23 to 34. Though I learnt a lot of life lessons during that time and managed to kick CFS’s sorry arse in early 2016, it is only now that I feel I can start putting those lessons to good use and see bigger projects from start to finish without the dreaded fear that the effort will land me in bed with chronic pain for days at a time.
I have been inside one unhealthy system for so many years (my poor body!) and in the first few years many many doctors told me that I was fine. In fact there is still no known cure for CFS. But I was determined, worked out some things about health along the way and, little by little with an awesome health team around me, got myself better.
So, after all my hard work getting myself healthy, no one is going to put me in another unhealthy system (the school music system and the music industry in general) and tell me that there is no cure. I will do my utmost to make it healthy.
I want to help other music teachers feel more valued and supported by their colleagues and employers. I want to, at the very least, speak up about how school systems need to change to suit students, their families and the needs of the future. I want to help parents understand the effect that a deep and broad music education can have on their child’s entire life. And last but definitely not least I want to help my amazing students become better humans through music.
I have gained some weird and wonderful experiences through my time in and out of music and am now determined to use them and put my effort into Reaching for something more. I am determined to not be part of the problem and rather be part of the Change. I just can’t sit back and resign myself to this system which is so broken without trying to make it amazing!
Unfortunately, many music teachers are unknowingly (and otherwise) part of the problem. They have lived their professional lives in the problem and can’t see their way out. I find that they are aware of the problems that lie in the school system. They talk about it frequently. Constantly. However, for various reasons, they can’t do any more than just talk in back rooms. I wonder if they simply can’t see their situation changing no matter what they do? I wonder if they feel trapped? I wonder how many have tried to speak up and lost work from it? I wonder if they have tried to speak up and been bullied to be quiet?
I think the general situation of teachers creates a silent feeling of helplessness within them and being unable to change their work situation for the better turns them to resignation, bitterness, defensiveness and even aggression.
It is very sad for me to see because I know, having had CFS, what it feels like to be trapped, helpless, trying and trying again with nothing working, defeated, resigned, bitter and aggressive.
What I do also Know is that Change needs to happen in the school music system and in the music industry. I also know that I am Reaching for the Change myself. I have done it within myself and, though it took a long time, it has worked. Now I am going to ask the people in this broken system to Reach for Change themselves. Like our students, we can move from Knowing, and through Reaching, Change.
With our Reaching to Change the role and experience of music education in Australia we may upset a few people along the way, we may feel a little uncomfortable about it at times, and we may lose some work from it. But I am sure that we will inspire our students to Reach further and that, in time, we ourselves will be able to Reach and get a good grip on some fantastic, healthy, living, breathing, flowing Change.